Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
