I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
