Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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