dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
