They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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