you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
