I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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