I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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