Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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