i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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