When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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