Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
