I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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