i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
