When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
