I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
