He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
