I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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