Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
