i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
