what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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