My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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