Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
