I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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