You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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