He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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