Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
