I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
