that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
