You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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