i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
