Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
