So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
