But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
