I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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