On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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