Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize