Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
