sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
