If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
