i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize