better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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