things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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