the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
