I cut my penus on the lid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
