i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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