i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
