I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
