dude i'm inner monologue high
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
