I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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