just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I want her autograph on my taint
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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