Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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