i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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