Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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