i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
