Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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