is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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