call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
