I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
