omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
